i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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