The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
