The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
