Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
