I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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