My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
