:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
