I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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