I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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