I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
