dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I touched a dick in church today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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