Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
