Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize