guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
