two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
