East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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