I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
