Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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