I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
