I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
