I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
