Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just gift wrapped bread.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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