wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
