Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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