I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
