So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
