I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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