Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
