At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
