i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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