Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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