there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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