So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
