her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
