I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
