When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
