Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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