I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
