you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
