You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
