Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
