I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
