i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he puts the penis in happiness.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
