I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
