Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
