dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
