In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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