I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
