theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
