after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize