It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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