Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
