are you so shy because you have an std?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
