You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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