Do vagina's smell?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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