my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
