I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
