took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
