I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
PANTIES FOUND
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