Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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