Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
