OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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