omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
