Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I cockslap morals
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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