youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
