He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
