There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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