And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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