Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize