Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize