the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize