her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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