Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
